Can i keep a shoplifting charge off of my record?

I think you need to write back to clarify some of the facts that you have provided.  First, who caught you, and who wrote you the ticket?  If it was the police, then you were technically arrested, even if you were not hand-cuffed and booked like you see on TV.  Second, what makes you think that the court date is not mandatory?  I think you need to confirm this fact, and then re-confirm it again.  If you miss a court date, not only will you miss your opportunity to resolve this favorably and keep it off of your record, but you will be charged with additional criminal charges for failure to appear.  I suggest that you consult with a local attorney to sort this out and protect your interests going forward.  Good luck.