If my husband and I are getting divorced on grounds of adultery and the other women lives in different state that recognizes alienation of affection lawsuits, can I sue her?

If you are getting divorced in California, legally speaking, you are not getting divorced on the grounds of adultery. That may be the REASON you are getting divorced, but the grounds on the legal paperwork will state "irreconcilable differences."

As for a nonresident filing suit, asking the laws of the state they do not reside in be applicable: you have to look at the other state's rules for exercising personal jurisdiction. Look for that state's "long arm statute" for personal jurisdiction to see if you qualify.